We make it hard to let go of situations that are bad for us. This is particularly true when it comes to love relationships. Even when the evidence is in front of us, we analyze and rationalize another’s behavior in a way that postpones our responsibility to take action and allows us to stay in an unhealthy setting.
But let’s not be too hard on ourselves. The reason it is difficult to let go of someone you are in a relationship with is that to do so goes against our societal training that, if both parties keep trying, love partners can make things work out. Quitting is for losers, we tell ourselves, so we keep trying until we are too exhausted to go on or our partner leaves.
While it is true that it takes two to tango in a relationship, you cannot make another love you no matter how hard you try. This is true even when love between both partners was present at one time.
Letting go early on
It is a lot simpler than we believe to notice that someone is not that into you. The signs are often there from the very beginning, but we chose not to see them because of our powerful attraction to the individual or our strong desire to have a partner. For example, if you do all the chasing and then wait for days before you get a response, he/she is showing you they are not excited about you.
This is not a bad thing. People have every right to feel like they do, or to change their minds. In this example, they are telling you they see the world through a different prism than you do. Their actions show they are not on your same page. This is clarity, but it is you who ignores it when you keep trying to hang on.
Like the proverb says;
“Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice, shame on me!”
When you try to hang on to a partner who is showing you they are not interested, you have no one else to blame for your suffering but yourself. Maya Angelou adds some other important words of wisdom to remember in these situations with her famous statement that;
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
People change because they want to change, you cannot force them to not do so. When you notice your love-interest doesn’t seem to be that interested in you, you smartest and least painful move is to let them go. In time you will be able to move on and look for a person better equipped to be your partner.
Know your worth
Although our mentors did not teach us to believe in our value without comparing it to others, it is important to know you are a prize; you are a treasure. You deserve to have someone who looks at you and sees your magic. If another doesn’t live up to that, they were not meant for you nor you for them. When you settle for someone you are not sure about for fear you may not be able to do any better, you are diminishing your worth.
Stop beating yourself up or making excuses for the other in order to linger in a lukewarm relationship. Stop acquiescing and giving up your boundaries to get them to stay. Learn from me, a person who has lingered too long in relationships where my partner didn’t want me. You deserve more. Do you both a favor and let them go.
Conclusion
If this is happening to you, it is time to say, “next”. You will feel powerful knowing you can walk away from another person who does not feel the same way for you as you do for them. It will also bring relief when you realize you saved yourself years of torment for not having settled for an unfulfilling relationship with a person who never cared to invest themselves in it. Keep the faith there is someone out there meant for you and you for them.
Remember, paying gratitude for your life forward will fill you with joy and contentment.
Photo by Melanie Pongratz on Unsplash
