I don’t understand what it is in me that causes me to want to solve other people’s problems. This is a bad habit because so often I am giving advice without listening to the pain within the person. I am not alone in this, for it is common for people to blurt out their solution to another’s travails.

Pain and suffering are important triggers in life

We base our desire to help others solve their problems on the belief that their suffering is bad for them. We know how much it hurts to suffer, so it is understandable we want to remove this pain from others, especially from those we love the most, like our spouse or our kids.

We forget the fire of our suffering forges and strengthens our spirit. Hard times help rid us of our faulty ego notions so we may discover our authenticity. When we try to interject our solution into the mind of a person who is struggling with a problem, we may be short-circuiting their process of self-clarification.

I am not saying we should not give another advice. If they ask you for it, offer it. However, when someone is just sharing their problems with us, we should zip it and just listen.

Listening is never unwelcomed

We don’t live inside another’s skin to know their beliefs or emotional/spiritual/physical makeup. When we project our solutions to their problems, we are basing them on our perspective and belief system. This can do them more harm than good.

When someone is suffering, there are things you can do to help.

1) Listen, oftentimes someone just needs to be heard.

2) Put an arm around them and let them know you love them.

3) Remind them they need not be perfect nor please anyone else.

4) Reassure them the Universe is working on their behalf and that things will turn out for their greatest good.

5) Assure them they have all the skill they need to meet whatever challenge they are facing. 

6) Assure them you are for them and have their back, no matter what they decide. 

7) Sometimes, the best you can do is walk by their side so they can see they are not alone. 

Remember, paying gratitude for your life forward will reward you with much joy and contentment.

Photo by Shaojie on Unsplash