Unless you have been living in isolation in some monastery hidden deep in Nepal, you know there are people in this world we don’t belong with. Nobody warned us about this when we were young. In fact, we were taught the opposite. My parents, for example, taught me as a child to respect and obey all adults and I relied on this value indiscriminately throughout the years. I didn’t take into account that not all of them behaved honorably, in fact, some were toxic and I should have avoided.
It took me a long time to figure this out and I wasted valuable years trying hard to please people who were not supportive, demeaned my value and never approved of the person I was becoming. Yet, I gave my respect and adherence to them even when I seldom got anything in return. Finally, I got tired of trying.
Shedding this naivete about people was part of my maturation process.
The best course of action
One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.
Michael J. Fox
Today, I see toxic people in all relationships imaginable. They have been a part of our lives and we have experienced their damage. So what do we do about it? Do we hurl their kind of venom in return and satisfy our desire for revenge? Do we accept them and resign ourselves to tolerate them for the rest of our lives?
No, the best course of action is to disengage from them and spend our time orbiting around the people who love us. This may seem hard at first to do, but it is important to remember that, although you may think someone has control over you, they do not. This is an illusion you created by acquiescing to them.
Although we cannot control what toxic people do or say, we can control our reaction to them. You cannot allow someone to trample you, nor can you stand by while a toxic person causes damage to others on a large scale. For all other times, the best solution is to disengage. Punish him/her with the whip of your quiet indifference. It is a waste of time to fight them, so pick your battles carefully.
Identifying your supporters
Wouldn’t it be nice to be around supportive people who have your back and share your values? People who are not automatons to one way of viewing the world, but open minded, ready to consider and offer new perspectives and ideas?
The older I get, the greater my longing to be with people like this. However, I am an advocate for finding common ground and unity among all people, so writing about this topic makes me a little nervous because I don’t want to add to the polarization that exists in our country today. My point has to do with our personal relationships, the fact is that our lives will go much better connecting with those who help us evolve into our higher selves.
People who resonate with us in spiritual and emotional levels will include people of all races, sexual preference, religious beliefs, gender, political affiliation, etc. Here are ten clues decipher this riddle one person at a time.
The person who….
1) Supports your independence and help you explore and believe in your own answers.
2) Helps open your mind to the boundless possibilities of life. They don’t limit you to one choice, or the one they would make.
3) Is always there when you need them.
4) Has your back no matter what.
5) Will challenge you without insulting or demeaning you.
6) Helps you search for the lessons in your setbacks and encourages you to keep trying.
7) Believes in your abilities.
8) Helps you become better.
9) Respects you and honors your accomplishments.
10) Values who you are exactly as you exist in the present moment.
If you are still not convinced, know connecting with those we resonate with is part of quantum physics. Look at this link to see what I mean.
The life you were meant to live will never be possible if you keep trying to please other people.
The only person living in your skin is you, which gives you the right to decide what kind of people you want to be surrounded by. Stop being your own worst enemy by choosing toxic relationships. Keep in mind that toxic people don’t like themselves and so they look to demean others so they can lift themselves. Don’t allow this to happen even when it comes from family members.
It is normal to feel uncomfortable letting close relationships go, but you will notice more peace and joy in your life as their noxious influence subsides. Start now. You will be glad you did.
Remember, paying gratitude for your life forward will reward you with great joy and contentment.