To seek advice from experts is a necessary part of learning new skills or information. It would not be very prudent to ignore the advice of a doctor, carpenter, architect, nutritionist, etc. if you need to get something done in any of these areas. But it is a different story altogether when you are seeking life advice for, depending on who you ask, you may not get something useful.
This is not cynicism; it is my experience. The reason is that your life issues and well-being do not interest most people. Given the opportunity, they will spout their opinions based on their self-interests. Not that they don’t mean well, it is that someone’s opinion about your life is not grounded on your facts or experiences, it is based on theirs.
Don’t give just anyone a soapbox to stand on
When some people give their opinion on your problem, they will fill you with their garbage. Ask someone about whether to take a promotion and they may discourage you out of their disdain for supervising people. Inquire another’s thoughts on your idea of moving somewhere else and they may discourage you with their own justifications why they would not want to move. Ask someone to approve of your plan to marry your boyfriend and they may offer a discouraging word because they are unhappy in their marriage.
There are other things to be wary of when someone gives you their opinion. Perhaps they dislike you and take your request as an opportunity to offend you. They may try to put you down because to do so inflates their ego. Jealousy can also play a part in their efforts to derail your enthusiasm for the steps you are pondering.
What makes this even more perplexing is that some people can give you an opinion one moment and then contradict themselves a few days later.
Are you looking for validation?
When asking others for their opinion, you must ask yourself why you want it in the first place. Are you looking for help, or are you wanting validation for something you have already decided? Wanting the approval of others is an aspect of people pleasing. If this is what you are looking for, be prepared to be confounded by the input you will receive.
Choose wisely
The ego is your biggest enemy when you are contemplating making life altering changes. Your ego does not want you to change the course of your life for fear of losing security and predictability. This is a hard-enough battle to win without adding the confusing counsel of those who are not invested in your evolution.
Asking the wrong people for advice will fill you with self-doubt and keep you from taking the steps that align you with your Higher Self. This will set your evolution back for years and keep you living in misery and marooned in shallows.
Another thing to keep in mind is that just because a person is a family member does not mean they have your best interests at heart. They may be a snake in the grass waiting to strike.
Choose your support group carefully. Know that the person you are asking loves and wants you to become the best you can be. You must also have confidence they will consider your question and give honest, non-condescending advice which may support or differ from your perspective. If you cannot find such people, turn to a licensed professional counselor for help.
Your life is too valuable to turn over to those who don’t care for it. Keep that unwanted input out.
As always, wishing you a life filled with joy, love and serenity.
Photo by Zdeněk Macháček on Unsplash
