Unless you have been living in isolation from people in some monastery hidden in Nepal, the rest of us know there are people in this world we don’t belong with. Nobody warned us about this when we were young. In fact, someone taught us the opposite. My parents taught me as a child to respect and obey adults and I took this value with me throughout the years.
it is not that respect for people is a bad thing, it is just that not all people behave honorably. Some are toxic and should be avoided. I took a long time to figure this out and, until I did, I wasted valuable years trying hard to please people who were not supportive, who demeaned and diminished my value and who, no matter how hard I tried, never approved of what I did.
Mistakenly, I gave and gave to them even when I seldom got anything in return. Shedding this naivete about people was part of my maturation process.
The best course of action
One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.
Michael J. Fox
Today, I see toxic people in all relationships imaginable. They are a part of our lives and we have experienced their damage. So what do we do about it? Do we hurl their kind of venom back at them to satisfy our desire for revenge? Do we accept them and resign ourselves to tolerate them?
The best course of action is to disengage from these types of people and spend your time orbiting around the people who love you. This can be hard to doubt freedom begins when you begin to see that no one can have control over you without your consent. Believing someone has power over you is an illusion you created by your acquiescence.
Although we cannot control what toxic people do or say, we can control our reaction to them. It is a waste of time to fight them, but you have to pick your battles. You cannot allow someone to trample you nor should you stand by while a toxic person causes damage in a large scale. For all other times, the best solution is to disengage. Punish him/her with the whip of your indifference.
Identifying your tribe
Wouldn’t it be nice to be around supportive people who have your back and share your values? People who are not automatons to one way of viewing the world, but open minded, ready to consider and offer new perspectives and new ideas?
The older I get, the greater my longing to be with people like this. I must admit, however, writing about this topic makes me a little nervous because I don’t want to add to the polarization that exists in our country today. I am an all for demolishing the fences that divide us and build bridges of understanding that will span the schism those who think differently, but this is a two way job from all sides. My point today has to do with the fact that our lives will go much better connecting with those who help us evolve into our higher selves.
People who resonate with us in spiritual and emotional levels will include people of all races, sexual preference, religious beliefs, gender, political affiliation, etc. Here are ten clues decipher this riddle one person at a time.
The person who….
1) Supports your independence and helps you explore and believe in your own answers.
2) Helps open your mind to the boundless possibilities of life. They don’t limit you to the choice they would make.
3) Is always there when you need them.
4) Has your back no matter what.
5) Will challenge you without insulting or demeaning you.
6) Helps you search for the lessons in your setbacks and encourages you to keep trying.
7) Believes in your abilities.
8) Helps you become better.
9) Respects you and honors your accomplishments.
10) Values you exactly as you exist in the present moment.
11) Is working to create a better world for all.
If you are still not convinced, know connecting with those we resonate with is part of quantum physics. Look at this link to see what I mean.
The life you were meant to live will never be possible if you keep trying to please other people, especially people who don’t care for you.
The only person living in your skin is you which gives you the right to decide what kind of people you want surrounding you. Stop being your own worst enemy by choosing toxic relationships. Keep in mind that noxious people don’t like themselves and so they look for ways to demean others to lift themselves. Don’t allow that to happen even if this comes from family members.
It is normal to feel uncomfortable letting close relationships go, but you will notice more peace and joy in your life as their noxious influence subsides in you. Start now. You will be glad you did.
If you are ready to trade in your humdrum life for one of meaning and purpose, subscribe to my free weekly newsletter on my website and receive motivation and encouragement to help you on your way. Share it to help family and friends.